You know this phrase very well, but I’m going to say it anyway: All that glitters is not gold.

Appearances are deceptive. When you get involved with someone, it is very important to remember something very obvious, which is forgotten by many women… There are many wolves in sheep’s clothing, even within the church, and they are always searching for their “little red riding hood”.

Pure, sincere, and open-hearted girl, watch out for the wolf! It doesn’t matter who he is—a church member, an employee, an assistant or a pastor. It is your duty and no one else’s to get to know if he is a disguised wolf or a real sheep.

Just because he has a title doesn’t guarantee anything. You still need to find out who he really is and see if he is not in disguise. There are many girls who let themselves be fooled by wolves and they are suffering today.

It’s time to grow up and see the truth. If you are interested in someone, you need to get to know him, not by what he says about himself, but particularly by what his family and friends say about him.

It is important to test him to see if he is really a sheep. And, please, don’t be a fool by falling in love even before knowing who he really is. This is nothing but emotions.

Be wise girl. Your love life may take longer to sort out, but when it happens with the right person, it will always be pleasurable! It will always be delightful! It is worth waiting and choosing well.

Don’t start before completing Challenge #24.
If you want to join the IntelliMen Project, start from Challenge #1.

Challenge: Identify immaturity and develop maturity.

Explanation: Paul of Tarsus, a great man in history, said:

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11

One of the biggest complaints women have in regards to men these days is in regards to their immaturity. Mothers who support adult sons, women looking for men of their age group but only find boys dressed as men (sometimes not even that.) Girlfriends who complain that their boyfriends are too sentimental, wives who put up with husbands who play video games all night.

No, they’re not being annoying and exigent. A lot of men really act like children.

Don’t take me the wrong way. Having a bit of a child in us is healthy. Otherwise, the seriousness of life would give you a heart attack in the prime of your life. But just a little bit is good, not an excess. Furthermore, when I say immaturity I’m mainly referring to infantile actions, feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Things which are not appropriate for a man or a young man who’s maturing (or at least should be.)

I know we have men doing this challenge from an age range of 8 to 88. So it’s obvious that a boy of 12 will not have the maturity of a man of 30, who in turn will not be as mature as a man of 65. To be mature means to be well adjusted according to your age and situation, like a ripening fruit. Therefore, all of us can seek maturity.

There comes a time when a fruit’s taste and content reaches its peak. Before and after this, it doesn’t have the same or a suitable taste. This is how an intelligent man should be – displaying the right attitudes at the right time.

An IntelliMan should think, act, speak, feel and behave in a way that’s suitable to his age and position. Note that it’s not just about age. A married man of 25 shouldn’t behave like a single man of the same age. Same age, different situations – means different maturity levels.

So, your challenge this week is to evaluate your level of maturity and see where you need further development.

• What kind of attitudes, thoughts, conversations, feelings and behavior, does your age and situation require of you?
• How well have you fulfilled your responsibilities?
• Are there people around you who feel frustrated? Could it be that what they’re noticing has to do with your maturity?
• Are you satisfied with yourself, with the way that you behave before certain situations?
• How do you think God sees your maturity at this time? Do you perceive that He’s trying to help you mature so that he can give you bigger blessings and responsibilities?

Don’t simply zip through the questions. Go back to each one and think about the answers.

Notebook: As you’re thinking about the answers, write your thoughts in your notebook. After considering all the questions, you should reach a couple of conclusions about where you need to improve your maturity and what “childish things” you need to abandon.

Official Partner: Speak to your partner of what you discovered about yourself in this challenge. Share what you decided to do about your conclusions.

Deadline: You may begin working on this task immediately and complete it before Challenge #26 which will be launched a week from now.

Post: After – and only after – you have completed the challenge, post your comments – on the IntelliMenWorld Facebook or Twitter page, (not on your own page) and write the following:

IntelliMen Challenge #25 done: I am leaving behind childish things. (Comment further if you like.)

Links:
www.facebook.com/IntelliMenWorld
www.twitter.com/intellimenworld (when tweeting, use @intelliMenworld)

Verification Checklist

☐ I reflected on my level of maturity
☐ I wrote down the answers in my Notebook
☐ I spoke to my Partner about the challenge
☐ I posted my comments on Facebook/Twitter

Phrase:

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. – Dave Barry

Don’t start before completing Challenge #23.
If you want to join the IntelliMen Project, start from Challenge #1.

Challenge: Learn to say “yes” and “no” more courageously.

Explanation: All of us do this now and then (okay let’s be straight forward, always.) We say “no” when we should say “yes,” and “yes” when we should say “no.” “A job opportunity for manager opened up, are you going to apply?” “No, who am I…” “They’re probably going to give it to someone who’s more qualified or someone who the boss really likes.” “Son, I know you were going to go out with your wife this weekend, but I need you to help me move.” “Yes Mom.”

Have you ever had instant regret after you said yes to someone? You felt that you committed to more than you should have and complicated your life as a result? I have. Many times.

If on one hand saying “yes” in the place of saying “no” makes us feel bad, saying “no” in the place of “yes” normally brings a good feeling, even if temporary. It’s because every time we say “no” we run away from a challenge, avoid a situation that will require a more courageous action on our part. In the above example, applying for the manager opening would require courage to show ambition, to believe in oneself, and perhaps be rejected. It would be to leave ones comfort zone. Yet, what we normally do when we’re faced with such an option is to say “no,” and stay where we feel comfortable and safe. Note that I said “feel” comfortable and safe, in other words, we have the illusion of comfort and security. In truth, for the most part our comfort zone is uncomfortable and insecure. Ask any person who lost their “secure” job, unexpectedly.

In short, we have to be more courageous with our “yes’” than are no’s,” especially the most important ones. We use these words dozens of times every day, whether in an audible or silent way, with other people or ourselves. Yes, I’m going to get up now. No, I’m going to sleep a little bit more. Yes, I accept another piece of cake. No, I’m full thanks. Yes, I’m going to check my Facebook now. No, I don’t have time to pray right now, I’ll do it later.

You wouldn’t do anything without using yes or no. Learning to use them correctly will bring much better results in your life.

I call these words “deciders.” They are words of decisions. And decisions are what change our lives, take note of how and why you use these deciders. When you use one of these deciders note to who you are saying yes or no to, yourself, another person, God? Then, see how you’re using that decider. Is it automatic, out of habit, or carefully considered? And finally, why are you saying yes or no, or what triggers that decider? Cowardice? Fear of displeasing someone? Laziness? The illusion of comfort?

If you notice that you are using a decider in a wrong way, you will invert it immediately. Your yes will become a no and vice-versa.

Notebook: Write one or two sentences in your notebook concluding what’s the most important thing you learned in this challenge.

Official Partner: Speak to your partner about the challenge. Talk about your experiences this week while policing your deciders.

Deadline: You may begin working on this task immediately and complete it before Challenge #25 which will be launched a week from now.

Post: After – and only after – you have completed the challenge, post your comments – on the IntelliMenWorld Facebook or Twitter page, (not on your own page) and write the following:

IntelliMen Challenge #24 done: I learned to say “yes” and “no” more courageously. (Write additional comments: for example, were you able to change a yes to a no or vice-versa because of this challenge? What was the result?)

Links:
www.facebook.com/IntelliMenWorld
www.twitter.com/intellimenworld (when tweeting, use @intelliMenworld)

Verification Checklist

☐ I intently observed how I used my deciders
☐ When I noticed incorrect use, I inverted my decider
☐ I took notes in my Notebook
☐ I spoke to my Partner about the challenge
☐ I posted my comments on Facebook/Twitter

Phrase:

Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. – Jesus

Who has never had the experience of smelling something that made them remember someone or an unforgettable situation? When we smell a new scent, our brain immediately classifies that scent as good or bad.

There are many shapes, scents, colors and textures in nature. Have you noticed that everything has a distinctive smell? The flowers, fruits, the forest, the sea, the loved one, babies, animals, the rain, the seasons… Can you imagine a barbecue without aroma?

A pleasant smell has the power to awaken our brain without saying a word, and so does an unpleasant smell, so be careful! If we do not look after our bodies, unpleasant odors will drive people away from us and people will have a bad impression of us.

Now that we learned how important it is to have a pleasant smell, how about learning how to properly wear perfume?

Let’s first understand what is written on the labels, as they tell us about the concentration of raw material (essence).

• Extract: highly concentrated, contains 30% – 40% of essence; it is not suitable for high temperatures. Its scent can last for 24 hours on the body.
• Perfume: 20% concentration; it can last up to 12 hours. It’s ideal for the evening.
• Eau de parfum: 10% – 20% concentration; it can last up to 8 hours. It can be used during the day depending on the fragrance.
• Eau de toilette: 7% – 10% concentration; it can last for 4 – 6 hours. It’s perfect for summer days.

These three are perfect for using after shower:

• Cologne: 3% – 7% concentration
• Eau de cologne: 3% – 5%
• Cologne deodorant and splash: 2% – 6% 

Where should you apply perfume? In areas of high blood flow, such as the neck, behind the ears, the wrist, the internal part of the elbows and knees. Please do not forget to protect your accessories, of course! During the day and also during summer, use soft and refreshing fragrances such as floral, citrus and lavender. Only spray it once in two different areas of the body.

At night and also during winter, you can choose stronger fragrances, such as woody, noble flowers and gourmets. Spray it once in up to four areas of the body.

Never use strong perfume to go to work because they can cause headaches and nausea. What pleases one may displease another, so let’s be considerate.

Never mix up fragrances and also be sensible when choosing a deodorant and a body lotion. There are several types of fragrance-free cosmetics on the market to avoid this problem.

Do not use perfume to go to the beach or the pool because you can seriously damage your skin.

Do not spray perfume on your clothes because you can also stain them.

Fragrances smell differently in different people. So, before buying perfume, you should spray it on your skin and to see if you really like it.

Taking this opportunity, I’d like to remind you that there is a fragrance more pleasant than the most famous French perfumes, which is the scent exhaled by those who walk in God’s presence. It’s perfect at any time and pleases everyone around us. You can’t hide it—there’s no such a thing as a Christian with no fragrance.

Dear readers, keep the golden rule: There’s no beauty in exaggeration! 

Today let’s talk about changing the way you think about yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, then who would believe in you?

The secret of a successful life management is to believe in you. For when you believe in yourself, no matter what obstacles you encounter, you will prevail. If you believe in yourself, you will have a broad perspective in life. Perspective will help in creating strong thoughts and actions.

I am not talking about blind arrogance because those who are overly confident fall into yet another category. But I am referring to the self-confidence needed to believe in one’s skills, goals, and abilities to succeed.

Maybe you believe that your life is messy and that you have to try to live with it. I tell you don’t try to accommodate it the way it is, but clean it up, make some changes, and believe you can do it.  I guarantee you that months and years are going to pass whether you like it or not. What is it that you are waiting for, to change the way you think about yourself?

Why not start to believe in yourself today? We all have our own talents, skills and abilities that make us extraordinary. Perhaps the hardest thing to do in life is to accept how extraordinary you really can be, when you believe in yourself.

Take some time to think about who you are, what you believe in and what is important to you. Starting right now, make a pledge to give everything your best shot from now on. Don’t worry about whether it’s possible or not. Don’t worry about whether you’ve failed in the past or if you’ve got what it takes to succeed this time around.

Learn from your mistakes, have the courage and wisdom to make adjustments to your path.

Don’t start before completing Challenge #22.
If you want to join the IntelliMen Project, start from Challenge #1.

Challenge: Adopt a new good habit.

Explanation: Human beings are so dependent of habits that it’s practically impossible to eliminate a bad habit without substituting it with another habit – preferably a good one, of course. In the previous challenge you looked to eliminate a bad habit. How are your efforts going? If you’ve succeeded, it’s probably because you’ve been able to switch your bad habit with a good one. If you’ve failed, it’s because you still need to adopt a good habit to replace the bad one.

Developing more good habits will never be too much. The more we have, the better we’ll be. People who are successful have very different habits than mediocre people. That’s why your challenge this week is to define a good habit that will bring you good results and develop it until it becomes natural to you. It normally takes 21 to 40 days to develop a good habit.

In order to define your new habit, think about what you want to achieve in life. Then promptly, think about the habits that you’ll need in order to reach those goals. For example, someone who wants to pay off all their debts and never live in debt again, will need a few new habits, which include: to write down all of their expenses, to avoid impulsive shopping, to live in a simpler way, so that they have money left over, to stop using their credit card to buy things and only buy with cash or with what they have, among other things.

If someone wants to be the best student in class or in school, they’ll have to develop a couple of new habits to achieve this. The same thing applies to a man who wants to be an excellent husband or father – just as a man who wants to be a man of faith, who’s spiritual and closer to God.

So, think about the results and ask yourself: “What are the new habits that I need to develop in order to reach this?” You’ll probably identify more than one habit, but choose one to begin with (later on you can work on the next one etc.) From there begin to work on this habit daily. A habit is something we do repeatedly 100% of the time, always, no exceptions. For example, if you want to create the habit of waking up early, you have to program your alarm for that time and wake up immediately, it doesn’t matter how sleepy you are or what time you slept the night before. (This discipline will teach you to sleep earlier as well, creating then another good habit.)

Remember; use your brain to outsmart your bad habits. Do things which force you to practice the good habit, in a manner that you won’t have any another option if not to do it. For instance, in waking up early, putting your alarm far from your bed will force you to get up to turn it off, and not simply move your arm, turn off the alarm and go back to sleep…

Whenever you lose heart, remember the objective, the outcome you want which will have to continue being your new habit. Persist. Start over if you failed. Forty days pass by quickly… But the rewards last a lifetime!

Notebook: Write the results that you want to reach and what are the habits that you’ll need for this. Jot down the habit you chose and what you’ll do daily in order to develop it.

Official Partner: Speak to your partner about the challenge. Talk about the good habit and identify what you decided to do in order to develop it.

Deadline: You may begin working on this task immediately and complete it before Challenge #24 which will be launched a week from now.

Post: After – and only after – you have completed the challenge, post your comments – on the IntelliMenWorld Facebook or Twitter page, (not on your own page) and write the following:

IntelliMen Challenge #23 done: I began to develop a new good habit. (Add more comments if you want.)

Links:
www.facebook.com/IntelliMenWorld
www.twitter.com/intellimenworld (when tweeting, use @intelliMenworld)

Verification Checklist:

☐ I identified the results I want and the new habits which I need to reach them
☐ I chose a good habit to develop
☐ I took notes in my Notebook
☐ I spoke to my Partner about the challenge
☐ I posted my comments in Facebook/Twitter

“Y

I was the guy who looked like he could get any girl; I looked like the guy you really didn’t want to mess with. I knew all the right people and got involved with gangs, but this wasn’t who I truly was. I was the guy who suffered from fear and constant nightmares of near death experiences. My family was upside down and so just like my brother I followed him and did what he did. Every fight I got into I was scared. My heart would beat fast and I couldn’t control it, because deep down I knew that I wasn’t really the person I portrayed. I was trying too hard to be what I wasn’t.

Him and I were and are still very close I looked up to him. I always wanted to do what he did and be where he was. So if there were a bunch of guys who wanted to fight, I would force myself to be there, even though I was shaking inside.

I felt under a lot of pressure to be this tough person. The first time I ever talked to a girl, it was in front of my older brother. And because he had friends with younger brothers who were also tough and in gangs I felt even more pressure. I’d always hear them saying how their little brother had stolen from a shop or done something else which proved their hard status.

I remember going to a friend’s house party. It was so boring that my friends and I lined everyone up outside the house, and robbed them one by one. Whoever tried to resist got a bottle smashed over their head. When the police came, everyone scattered. A few people I knew got arrested, but I managed to get away. It was a close call; too close for comfort.

There was a friend of mine called Bronson that I hadn’t seen around in a long time, so my brother and I decided to pay him a visit. There were so many rumours about him; some said he’d gone to prison and others said he was dead. But one thing was for sure. No one had seen him around lately.

We went to his house and knocked on the door. Whoever opened the door vaguely resembled Bronson but this guy was different. He didn’t speak like him and his mannerisms were different. I was curious as to how he had managed to become this person. And he told us that it was through the Victory Youth Group at the UCKG HelpCentre. It was a place that aimed at helping youths find their way in life. It sounded interesting and so I accepted his invitation.

It was live and had a different atmosphere to what I was used to. But it was the words of the Youth Adviser in the VYG Real Talk meetings that made me listen eagerly. As I kept coming, I found that I didn’t want to be fake anymore. I didn’t want to pretend that I was this tough guy, I wanted to have confidence and to be my own person. I didn’t want the pressure from others to affect me anymore. The VYG helped me achieve that.

Gradually, I found that my mentality started changing. Who cared what others thought about me? Today I am a completely different person, confident and helping others, not only me but my brother too!

Jonathan Glenn, Croydon

On the 2nd of June, all VYG branches across the UK held an outstanding event titled “Where U Going?” and the title is pretty self explanatory. This event was solely designed to make youths think about the direction in which their lives are heading.

One of the WUG? team members, Jhaun-Neiki Josephs shared her real life story of how she didn’t know where she was going and how she turned her life around. Many students at St Thomas Moore were touched by her story and wanted to know more about the event. As the teams’ assembly slot was coming to an end, they invited the students to sign up and leave their details so that they could be contacted closer to the event day. As many as 43 students grabbed the opportunity and the teachers even urged them to attend and not miss this life changing opportunity.

Do you want the Where U Going team to visit a school near you? Contact your local VYG branch to have your chance.