The dark side of being daddy’s little girl

TestInBeing constantly pampered and treated as a special little girl madeShanice believe that nothing terrible could ever happen in her life. But what happens when daddy’s little girl’s worldstarts falling apart?

“I was used to being surrounded by family. We were so united that misunderstandings were quickly resolved. We seemed like the perfect family.

I remember it as if it was yesterday – my father no longer staying with us on the weekends. What we thought would only happen every so often became a routine: he would leave on a Friday and come back on a Sunday. Hearing my parents as they shouted at each other was something new to me. I was afraid, shocked and completely confused, but when things got physical, I was left speechless.

Horrified at what I was witnessing, I began to hate my father. That hatred grew when my mother had to go to A&E because of him. As the years went by, everything caught up with my father. He became extremely ill, and I, his princess, felt no remorse in wanting him dead. The frustration had built up. Seeing my mother having to work unbelievable hours made me very angry and I blamed my dad for it. What was about to happen next, no one saw it coming..

When my mum decided to go to London in search of a better life for us, she left me in the care of my father! The thoughts of what happened tormented me. I needed to find a way to block out the problems, so I started to spend a lot more time out partying and having “fun” with my cousin. Although I was this wild girl with not a care in the world, coming home every night was the same old routine – I would lock my door, fall on my knees and shed tears of anger and disgust. My grandmother, who was always there for me, also died from cancer and this, was the tip of the iceberg for me. That was when I felt like killing myself. I grabbed a knife, but as I attempted to slit my wrists, something held me back, so I dropped it and forced myself to sleep.

Within a month, my mother decided to bring me to London to live with her. My mother took me with her to one of the meetings at the UCKG HelpCentre, but I thought nothing of it. In my eyes, nothing could heal my pain…

Because of my mother’s perseverance, I continued attending the HelpCentre. Every time I went, I heard intelligent arguments that made me think about my life and that I could be healed from it all.

I decided to put God to the test. Either I continued with this pain or I put an end to it and moved on with my life. I started taking part in the Chain of Prayers on Fridays to empty out all the grudges, hate and anger I had within me, and on Sundays to receive the strength to move on. I started to see positive changes.

It was an inner battle, but I fought through all my feelings and finally forgave my father for what he had done. Today I have such an inner peace and I am happy about the future.

Shanice Peña